I realize it has been a long while since I have posted anything here, even an update of what I have been doing. And you can take that two ways: 1) I’m too busy or 2) I don’t care. The answer will come in the point of view you take, what your opinion of me is, and the actual answer I choose to project.
“What on earth is Jenni talking about? Has she gone off her rocker?”, you ask. I assure you, I have not. But instead have spent a few months moving outside of myself and the things I used to hold important and really see what is still important and what has been a distraction.
And honestly, I HAVE been busy. My current job has put me in a place that challenges me to learn to do things I haven’t already done and/or take what I know and multiply it by 100%. I’m doing new things and I’m doing a hell of a lot more of them. I feel like the 7 years of struggle and freelance and part-time office jobs and months eating nothing but ramen noodles with A1 Sauce have actually been worth it.
But because of that, I haven’t been able to take the time and energy to be the unselfish and serving person I prefer to be. I’ve been hearing a lot of “put up or shut up” when I know I WANT to do the former but should probably actually just do the later. I’ve never handled change particularly gracefully, I’m very much “burn first, sweep up the ashes later” (don’t know why that’s in quotes, because I’m not sure it’s even an actual saying). I’m not always apologetic about it. I don’t think I’m going to be now.
I’m being purposely vague because I don’t want to start controversy. I don’t want to shove my opinions down your throat. I want to put words out that can mean what you want them to mean but still make me feel as if I’m getting my emotions out into the world. In private, I may be willing to go into more detail. If I can.
And no, I haven’t actually been broken up with. But I know some of the people I care about feel like they have.